The Mental Load No One Talks About (But Every Working Mom Carries)

Erica Rooney
Aug 16
2 min read

Do you ever feel like your brain has 47 tabs open and at least 3 of them are frozen? That’s not just being “busy.” That’s the mental load—the invisible, exhausting labor of keeping everyone’s lives running while you’re also trying to crush it at work.

And here’s the kicker: it’s not just about doing the tasks. It’s about remembering the tasks, planning the tasks, and anticipating the ones no one else even notices until they magically get done.

The Invisible Background Noise

Picture this: You’re in a boardroom, mid-presentation, confidently breaking down quarterly results… while another part of your brain is screaming:

“Did I sign that permission slip?”
“What do I have at home for dinner?”
“Who’s buying the birthday gift for the party on Saturday?”

That’s the mental load in action—always humming in the background, no matter how “on” you look to the outside world.

What Exactly Is the Mental Load?

Researchers call it cognitive labor. It’s the invisible project management of your family and home—the planning, organizing, and anticipating that keeps everything afloat. Unlike chores you can check off a list, this is work that never ends. And guess who usually carries the heaviest share? Women, especially moms.

Why Women Carry the Heaviest Load

Society trains us early: girls are taught to notice and anticipate needs.
Moms are expected to hold it all together at home while excelling at work.
When things slip through the cracks, we feel guilty—as if doing it all is the only measure of success.

The High Cost of Carrying It All

But here’s the cost: burnout, resentment, sleepless nights, health issues, and careers that stall because our brains are too full managing invisible logistics to take risks or seize opportunities. It’s not sustainable. And it’s not fair.

How to Lighten the Mental Load

Say the unsaid. Write down every invisible task you’re carrying for a week. Visibility is the first step to change.
Delegate without guilt. True delegation means handing over ownership of the task—not just execution.
Protect your bandwidth. Boundaries aren’t just for work. They’re for your mind, your peace, and your family.
Use tools, not just willpower. Shared calendars, apps, or outsourcing where possible—it’s not “cheating,” it’s smart strategy.

The Bottom Line

Here’s the truth: the mental load isn’t about being better at juggling. It’s about refusing to juggle everything in silence. You don’t need to be the default project manager of your home just because you’re capable. You deserve to thrive in your career and your life without running yourself into the ground.

👉 If you’re ready to set down some of that invisible weight, join HER Collective. Because you don’t have to do this alone—and you were never meant to carry it all.